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Funny Internet Quotes: Ten Hilarious Quotes About The World Wide Web

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The Web is an amazing source of information, but it's also the butt of many jokes for TV actors, film stars, and politicians. Whether intentionally funny or not, these amusing quotations referencing the Web and the Internet are well worth a read.

1. Homer Simpson

Getty Images/Gregg DeGuire
  • "Oh, so they have internet on computers now!"
  • "And the information superhighway showed the average person what some nerd thinks about Star Trek."
  • "Oooh, the girls of the Internet... I'd go online with them any day!"
  • "The Internet? Is that thing still around?"
  • "Kids are the best, Apu. You can teach them to hate the things you hate. And they practically raise themselves, what with the Internet and all."
  • "Of all the sites on all the web, I had to click onto his."

2. Dave Barry

Getty Images/Jason Connel
  • "The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting."
  • "What, exactly, is the internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such a way that any computer, anywhere, that is equipped with a device called a 'modem', can make a noise like a duck choking on a kazoo."
  • "While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Internet are exchanging, freely and openly, the most uninhibited, intimate and, yes, shocking details about our "CONFIG.SYS" settings."

3. George Bush

Getty Images/Brendan Hoffman
  • "Will the highways on the Internet become more few?"
  • "I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft."
  • "One of the things I’ve used on the Google is to pull up maps. It’s very interesting to see — I’ve forgot the name of the program — but you get the satellite, and you can — like, I kinda like to look at the ranch. It remind me of where I wanna be sometimes."
  • "We can have filters on Internets where public money is spent."

4. Dennis Miller

Getty Images/Jason LaVeris
  • "Human beings are human beings. They say what they want, don't they? They used to say it across the fence while they were hanging wash. Now they just say it on the Internet."
  • "What I can't fathom are the people who auction off their privacy on the open market. You can go online now and actually watch mutants and cybergeeks who record every nanosecond of their lives - every snore, every burp, every restraining order filed against them by William Shatner - and beam it out over the Internet. It all raises the interesting philosophical question: How can you broadcast your life when you don't have a life to begin with?"
  • "Because just like in life, in death we can't resist having the latest and best of everything. I mean, a casket with Internet hook-up? Give me a break."

5. Al Gore

Getty Images/Dr. Billy Ingram
  • "During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet."
  • "The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet, I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the Camcorder."

6. Jon Stewart

Getty Images/Alberto E. Rodriguez
  • "The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom."
  • "The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote... so look for Howard Stern's Private Parts to come in No. 1."
  • "Last night we had Carol Moseley Braun on the program. She's explaining to me why she should be the next president of the United States. I get home that night, check the Internet, and she dropped out of the race. ... My guess is this whole presidential run was a ruse to get on this program. Gore did the same thing."
  • "Let's talk about the real world for a moment. We had been discussing it earlier, and I… I wanted to bring this up to you earlier about the real world, and this is I guess as good a time as any. I don’t really know to put this, so I’ll be blunt. We broke it. Please don’t be mad. I know we were supposed to bequeath to the next generation a world better than the one we were handed. So, sorry. I don’t know if you’ve been following the news lately, but it just kinda got away from us. Somewhere between the gold rush of easy internet profits and an arrogant sense of endless empire, we heard kind of a pinging noise, and uh, then the damn thing just died on us. So I apologize."

7. Senator Ted Stevens

Getty Images/Kris Connor
  • "Ten movies streaming across that, that Internet, and what happens to your own personal Internet? I just the other day got… an Internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday. I got it yesterday [Tuesday]. Why? Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the Internet commercially."
  • "They want to deliver vast amounts of information over the Internet. And again, the Internet is not something that you just dump something on. It's not a big truck. It's a series of tubes. And if you don't understand, those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and it's going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material."

8. Bill Maher

Getty Images/Frederick M. Brown
  • "It's very sad how in the information age you cannot get information into people's heads — as long as you write something on the internet and do not add LOL — it is true : "I'm not sure he's a Christian." — I'm not sure he's a mammal, Jay. He could be a werewolf."
  • "I have a theory that the Internet makes people stupider — and also FOX News makes people stupider."

9. Hugh Laurie in "House, M.D"

Getty Images/John Shearer
  • "Infectious or environmental... all we have to do is check out parasites, viruses, bacteria, fungi, prions, radiation, toxins, chemicals or it's internet porn related. I'll check the internet, you guys cover the rest of the stuff."
  • "You find the toxins, you run your bubble study. You won't find anything, but I'll get the office to myself. There's a lot of porn piling up on the internet. Doesn't download itself."

10. The Big Bang Theory (TV Show)

Getty Images/George Diebold Photography
  • "You know what, if it's "creepy" to use the internet, military satellites and robot aircraft to find a house full of gorgeous young models so that I can drop in on them unexpectedly then fine, I'm creepy."
  • "Ah, no, we turned out stereo down by sending a signal around the world via the internet."
  • "Remember when you tried to learn how to swim from the internet?"

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